


This Feeling Follows Me Wherever I Go

by cosmic_llin



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Difficult Decisions, F/F, Female Friendship, Femslash, Getting Together, Polyamory, Post-Canon, Turbolift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 14:12:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7621543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmic_llin/pseuds/cosmic_llin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>B'Elanna's life is at a crossroads. Beverly helps her to find the path.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Feeling Follows Me Wherever I Go

**Author's Note:**

> This story follows on from my previous story Atmosphere Around Me, but it isn't necessary to read that to understand this.

If B’Elanna sat on one of the benches overlooking the entrance to the Starfleet Medical Building, she could see Beverly as she came through the doors - it was too far away to make out her features, but her way of moving was unmistakable, even from a distance - her dancer’s grace, her confidence of bearing.

Since their first meeting at a conference a few weeks ago, they had met for lunch in the neatly manicured gardens of Starfleet Headquarters at least once or twice a week. Beverly was at Starfleet Medical, and B’Elanna was in demand with the teams going over every inch of the modifications she and her team had made to Voyager. Some days she bumped into Seven there as well, and the two of them spent hours arguing - for once on the same side - with the Starfleet engineers who wanted them to account for every gel pack, every hyperspanner, every fraction of difference from what was on Voyager’s original schematics.

Her lunches with Beverly were peaceful moments in the whirlwind of her days. They sat together on a bench in the sunshine, eating their sandwiches, and talking about their mornings.

‘Again?’ Beverly asked, looking down at B’Elanna’s sandwich in its container.

The sandwich was cut into perfect triangles, adorned with a neat little leaf garnish.

B’Elanna shrugged. ‘He likes doing it.’

Tom was taking paternity leave to care for Miral, and he was embracing domesticity with an energy that had surprised B’Elanna at first.

‘It’s something to throw myself into,’ he’d told her. ‘Something simple to focus on, while we figure out our lives here.’

B’Elanna could understand that. Perhaps in other circumstances that would have worked for her too.

‘That’s sweet,’ said Beverly, as B’Elanna started to eat her sandwich.

‘What are you having?’ B’Elanna asked.

Beverly held up her carton of salad, heaped with feta cheese and drizzled with olive oil. ‘Replicator’s finest,’ she said. ‘They rake you over the coals again today?’

B’Elanna shrugged. ‘It’s not so bad. The engineers we’re working with are nice people, I get on with them. It’s the admirals who want immediate results that I have a problem with. If they’d get off our backs, we’d be done three times faster. Seven doesn’t hesitate to tell them that, either.’

‘I bet she doesn’t.’

‘They’re trying to keep her sweet,’ said B’Elanna. ‘She’s listed as an advisor on the project, but she’s not officially a member of Starfleet, so they can’t order her to stick around if she decided to resign. Honestly I think she partly stays for my sake.’

She ate one of her perfectly triangular sandwiches, watching the swirl of uniformed figures below them.

‘I’m thinking of leaving,’ she said at last.

Beverly frowned. ‘Earth? Starfleet?’

‘Maybe both. I don’t know. It’s just… I never felt like I belonged anywhere until Voyager, and now I spend half my time pulling her apart. It’s a little hard to take. And I never meant to be in Starfleet. I don’t know if I could serve on any other ship. Perhaps I’m just not made for it.’

‘What would you do instead?’ Beverly asked.

‘I don’t know. That’s part of why I haven’t quit yet.’

‘You could just take a leave of absence? Spend some time with Tom and Miral, just being a family?’

B’Elanna shook her head. ‘I love Miral so much, I love her more than anything, but I know that being home all day every day would be more than I could handle. Tom’s the kind of person who can do that. I don’t think I could. I need to be doing something. Whether it’s Starfleet or something else.’

‘Well, until you make up your mind, I’m glad you’re here for me to eat lunch with,’ Beverly said.

B’Elanna smiled. ‘Me too.’

* * *

Beverly watched B’Elanna approach, arms crossed over her chest, shoulders hunched, head down, like she was trying to keep dry in a rainstorm, even though there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.

‘What happened?’ she asked, when B’Elanna sat down.

‘Starfleet are a bunch of interfering, overbearing, inconsiderate…’

Beverly waited two or three minutes for the insults to wind down.

‘But what did they actually do?’ she asked.

‘They brought in some _expert_. To _help_. It was bad enough that he didn’t know what the hell he was talking about, but then he implied that Seven and I couldn’t be competent engineers because we hadn’t finished the Academy!’

‘Is he still alive?’ Beverly asked.

B’Elanna spun to glare at her, and then her face softened. ‘I didn’t even touch him,’ she said. ‘Although it would probably have been worth it. I don’t know how I’m going to go back in there and work with him all afternoon.’

‘So don’t,’ said Beverly. ‘Take the afternoon off. We’ll get in the transporter and go somewhere away from all this.’

B’Elanna looked at her. ‘Really?’

‘Really. Ask Seven, too. She could probably use it as much as you could.’

Seven was in favour of the plan to ditch Starfleet for the afternoon, but she decided to spend the time making a surprise visit to her Aunt Irene, so twenty minutes later Beverly and B’Elanna walked to the transporter hub, just the two of them.

Beverly was senior enough that she had just told her assistant she would be away for the rest of the day. B’Elanna had mutinously told nobody where she was going. Let them court martial her or whatever. She was technically an advisor anyway, not even an official member of the project.

‘Where to?’ the transporter technician asked.

Beverly and B’Elanna looked at one another. B’Elanna shrugged.

‘I only lived on Earth for a couple of years while I was at the Academy,’ she said. ‘I never really explored.’

Beverly gave the operator a latitude and longitude, and when they rematerialized, they were standing on a green slope, running down to a sheer cliff, looking down on the sea.

‘I didn’t grow up on Earth either,’ Beverly said. ‘When I was at the Academy, I spent a lot of time visiting new places. I got pretty fond of this spot, especially when I needed to get away for a while.’

‘Where are we?’ B’Elanna asked.

‘Snowdonia,’ said Beverly. ‘North Wales. This place has been a national park for over five hundred years. It’s remote enough that it was almost untouched in the upheaval of the 21st century. This particular mountain probably looks the same now as it did back in the 1950s.’

B’Elanna looked around her. The grass beneath her feet and rising up behind her was a brilliant, fresh green, and in the distance she saw purple and yellow heather. Far below her, the sea sparkled silver-blue, coming up to meet a golden beach. In the distance, a peninsula stretched out into the water, and villages and farms were scattered where the hills met the shore.

The air smelled salty and wild. B’Elanna took a deep breath, filling her lungs with it. For the first time since they’d come back, she felt like Starfleet couldn’t reach her.

Which was ridiculous. They were still on Earth and their transport was logged. Starfleet could have her back in two minutes if they wanted her. But right now, on this quiet hillside with the wind in her face, all of her problems seemed a little further away.

‘Can we walk?’ she asked.

‘I thought we might,’ said Beverly. ‘There’s a wonderful waterfall a little way in that direction. Come on.’

They walked without speaking for a while. It might have been an hour, maybe two. B’Elanna stopped paying attention to the passage of time, saving it all for the woods they walked through, the birds singing, the crackle of twigs underfoot, the sheep they bumped into. They crossed a stream - hopping from stone to stone across the rushing water, Beverly taking B’Elanna’s hand to steady her when she wobbled - and followed it up to the waterfall.

It was a small, powerful torrent, cascading down in steps past a border of leafy green. Beverly sat on a large, flat rock at the edge of the river, and B’Elanna followed her, the sound of the water ringing in her ears.

After a moment, Beverly put her arm around B’Elanna’s waist. B’Elanna tensed for a moment, then relaxed, leaning her head on Beverly’s shoulder. They sat there for a while, watching the water. Then B’Elanna closed her eyes. The sun was warm on her face, and Beverly’s arm was warm around her. She felt full of energy, and completely calm at the same time.

‘I’d like to kiss you,’ she said.

‘Then do it,’ said Beverly.

B’Elanna turned and drew Beverly close. Their fingers laced together, and B’Elanna breathed in Beverly’s fresh, sweet scent. Their lips met - Beverly’s were soft - and they kissed languidly for long minutes in the dappled sunlight, not hurrying but not stopping either.

* * *

‘Something happened today,’ B’Elanna said to Tom, as she wrestled Miral out of her clothes for her bath.

‘Yeah?’ Tom asked.

‘I kissed Beverly.’

‘... Beverly Crusher?’

‘How many other Beverlys have I been eating lunch with every day?’

Tom rolled his eyes. ‘And? Do you like her?’

‘Yeah. A lot, I think.’

Tom dipped his elbow in the bath water to test the temperature, and then took the naked, wriggling baby from B’Elanna. Miral crowed and started splashing.

‘What do you want to do about it?’ Tom asked.

B’Elanna shrugged. ‘I don’t know. See where it goes, I guess? It’s just… this is the first time I’ve been interested in anyone but you since we got back from the Delta Quadrant. I thought maybe I’d be different here. And it’s the first time either of us has been with anyone new since Miral, too… I know you have Harry, but… he’s just Harry, y’know? And he’s been so busy since we got back, it’s just been the two of us so much of the time. I don’t want to start changing things up when I still barely feel settled here.’

‘Maybe this is what you need to help you feel settled,’ Tom suggested. ‘B’Elanna, our lives have changed completely in the last few months. It’s OK to feel a little lost. Why don’t you just explore this thing with Beverly and not worry too much for now about where it fits in?’

‘You’re probably right,’ B’Elanna said, with a grin.

Tom turned to Miral. ‘Is Daddy right? Is Mommy reaping the benefit of his wisdom again?’

‘Daddy should watch out if he wants Mommy to fix the replicator so he can eat dinner!’ B’Elanna said, matching Tom’s sickly-sweet tone.

* * *

‘Something happened today,’ Beverly said, when the channel to the Titan was open and Deanna’s face was looking out at her from the little desktop viewscreen.

Deanna’s eyes widened. ‘Beverly! Who is it? Not B’Elanna Torres?’

‘It ruins my fun when you do that, you know,’ said Beverly.

Deanna smoothed away her smile. ‘I’m sorry. Start again. I’ll pretend I don’t know.’

Beverly sighed. ‘It won’t be the same.’

Deanna leaned forward. ‘Tell me from the beginning. Don’t leave anything out.’

So Beverly told her.

‘Am I being ridiculous?’ she asked, when she’d finished. ‘She’s so much younger than me… and we don’t really know each other that well…’

‘And that matters because…?’ Deanna asked.

Beverly laughed. ‘I guess it doesn’t?’

‘You’re right, it doesn’t,’ said Deanna. ‘Or at least, it doesn’t have to, and it sounds like it’s much too soon to worry about it either way.’

‘I knew you’d make me feel calmer about it,’ Beverly said. ‘I miss you.’

Deanna smiled. ‘We talk almost every day.’

‘I know, but it isn’t the same and you know it.’

‘You’re right, it’s not. But the Titan will be in the system in a few months. We’ll have a proper catch-up then.’

‘I’ll hold you to that,’ Beverly said.

* * *

The next lunch they had together was three days later. B’Elanna wasn’t needed the next day - the Starfleet expert had apparently grumbled and blustered and managed without her and Seven - and Beverly was away on Luna demonstrating some new surgical techniques. When they met again on their usual bench, they talked about ordinary things for a while. B’Elanna explained the latest wrinkle in the Voyager project, Beverly talked about her garden.

It was Beverly who gave in first.

‘I was thinking about what happened the other day,’ she said.

‘It’s… it’s OK if you just want to forget about it,’ B’Elanna said, ducking her head to hide her blush.

‘Do you want to just forget about it?’ Beverly asked.

B’Elanna shook her head. ‘No. But I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything.’

‘I don’t. And I’d like to explore… whatever this is. If you would.’

‘I’d like that too,’ B’Elanna said.

‘Well, all right then,’ said Beverly. She scooched closer to B’Elanna on the bench and took her hand.

* * *

They took it slow, at first. It wasn’t as if B’Elanna had that much free time anyway, so at first they just carried on with their regular lunch dates, with an extra sweet newness to every conversation they had, an extra something in their smiles when they greeted each other. They walked in the grounds of Starfleet Headquarters sometimes, holding hands. They kissed under the statue of Richard Daystrom. They read the news together and had fierce debates about it.

They visited Snowdonia again, every time B’Elanna felt too overwhelmed, and the quiet calmed her, helped her to remember that the world was bigger than B’Elanna Torres and her problems. On those days, Beverly told her stories - anecdotes about her friends, funny stuff that happened at Starfleet Medical, old family legends. B’Elanna even shared one or two family stories in return, and if her heart hurt, it wasn’t as much as it once might have been.

Once they got caught in a rain storm – Snowdonia’s national park status meant that it had dispensation to randomise its weather net – and they ran together, laughing, until they found a bothy to shelter in. Someone had thoughtfully left blankets and towels in a neat stack on a shelf by the door. B’Elanna watched Beverly towelling her dripping wet hair, her uniform clinging to her, droplets of water rolling down her neck and into the hollow of her throat. She followed Beverly to the low couch and sat in her lap, wrapping them both in the same blanket and pressing close to her, cold and warm at the same time.

* * *

‘B’Elanna,’ said Seven, as the two of them waited together to be called in to a meeting with yet another Starfleet high-up about the modifications to Voyager, ‘am I correct in my perception that you have been happier in recent weeks?’

It meant something, B’Elanna thought, that her instinctive response to that question, coming from Seven, was a conspiratorial smile. They’d grown to understand each other better, over the last few years on Voyager, but having a common enemy in the form of the Voyager project had brought them together in a new way. Or maybe it was being back on Earth. B’Elanna was different here, and she thought Seven was too.

‘You’re right,’ she said. ‘I have been feeling a little less lost recently. I… nothing’s really different, but things seem better.’

Seven looked at her intently. ‘You are not the only one feeling… lost,’ she said. ‘I confess I am wondering where my future lies. Life on Voyager has left me ill-prepared for any other occupation, but I am finding the demands of working with Starfleet to be… an unwelcome challenge.’

‘Well,’ said B’Elanna, ‘if we both leave, maybe we can run off together and start our own shipping company or something.’

‘Perhaps,’ said Seven, with half a smile.

An aide popped his head out into the corridor where they were waiting. ‘The admiral will see you now,’ he said.

‘Here we go again,’ said B’Elanna.

* * *

Ten minutes later everything had gone to hell.

‘Are you implying,’ said Seven, with the icy voice that said there was anger just beneath the surface, ‘that Lieutenant Commander Torres and I would intentionally sabotage Voyager?’

The admiral glared at them. ‘I’m outright saying that I don’t think a Borg drone and a Maquis terrorist had any business being put in charge of a state-of-the-art Starfleet ship, I’m surprised we got it back at all, let alone in one piece, and I don’t trust either of your motives in filling her full of Borg technology. I want every change accounted for with a documented reason, from gel-pack replacements up, and I want detailed information on the purpose and all the possible uses of any piece of alien technology the two of you have seen fit to cram into a Federation vessel.’

B’Elanna’s nails were digging into her palms, but she had to stay calm because if she didn’t, Seven wouldn’t either.

‘Admiral,’ she said, ‘we are already providing detailed reports to the supervisory board for the Voyager project – I’m not sure what other information you need?’

‘How about concrete proof that you’re really on our side?’ the admiral said. ‘You may have been pardoned for your crimes, but this Borg has never even stood trial. We only have Janeway’s word that she’s no longer affiliated with the Collective.’

‘Admiral Janeway is…’ Seven began, but B’Elanna was already talking over her.

‘How _dare_ you? Seven has _saved_ the crew of Voyager from assimilation more than once, and if you’d read our ship’s logs you’d know that she’s one of the most loyal and dedicated people ever to serve on a Starfleet vessel! If you had any sense you’d be begging her to stay. And if you knew anything about Admiral Janeway, you’d know that her word is worth more than a thousand reports. Come on, Seven. We don’t have to stay and listen to this.’

And they walked out in step, leaving the admiral standing there, his antennae bristling.

‘B’Elanna…’ said Seven. ‘Was that wise?’

‘I don’t know _what_ it was,’ said B’Elanna. ‘But I’m sick of them treating us this way.’

Seven nodded. ‘Thank you… for defending me.’

‘Of course,’ said B’Elanna. Her fists were still clenched.

Seven looked around restlessly, and B’Elanna wondered if she felt as trapped in these corridors as B’Elanna did.

‘I must go,’ Seven said.

‘All right,’ said B’Elanna. ‘I guess I’ll see you soon?’

Seven nodded, already walking.

* * *

B’Elanna hurried down the corridor, not knowing where she was headed except for away. She tapped her combadge.

‘Torres to Crusher…’

‘B’Elanna? What’s wrong?’ 

‘Can you meet me? Uh… in the grounds?’

‘... of course, I’ll be right there!’

B’Elanna aimed for the nearest turbolift, pointing herself at it like an arrow flying towards a target. If she saw anyone she knew, she didn’t know it. Mercifully, the lift was there when she arrived, and empty. She flung herself inside, pressing her back flat against the wall.

‘Lobby,’ she gasped, and the lift hummed as it began to move.

A few floors down, the doors opened again. B’Elanna straightened up, trying to smooth the grimace from her face.

‘B’Elanna? What happened?’

It was Beverly, looking at her with concern. B’Elanna tried to talk, but the words stuck in her throat, choking her.

‘Computer,’ said Beverly, ‘halt turbolift, override Crusher One.’

* * *

When she’d received B’Elanna’s summons, Beverly had told her assistant to postpone her next appointment and hurried to the nearest turbolift, only to find B’Elanna already there, her face red, her eyes desperate, her hands balled into tight fists.

The moment Beverly halted the turbolift, B’Elanna’s mouth was on hers, her arms tight around her back, fingers in her hair, pushing her against the wall, desperate, brittle. Beverly knew what a kiss like that meant. She’d been on the other side of it herself. It was a kiss that said, I can’t bear to feel or think about anything any more, so please fill up the world so that nothing can get near me. Hide me from everything, take it all away.

It was inappropriate to be doing this at work, let alone in a turbolift that should be available for everyone to use. But Beverly had never been all that good at putting the rules ahead of following her instincts to begin with, and all her years in Starfleet had only made her more certain that some rules were made to be broken.

Her override was high command level. Nobody short of a four-star admiral could force them from this turbolift until they were ready.

She kissed back, and B’Elanna let out a surprised moan at the sudden force of it. Beverly pulled B’Elanna close, one arm wrapped around her thighs, the other cupping the back of her head, her fingers stroking the back of her neck. She could feel B’Elanna’s heartbeat as their bodies pressed together, a complex, swinging rhythm, growing faster every moment. B’Elanna’s teeth tugged at her lip, and Beverly responded with a flicker of her tongue against B’Elanna’s, then a deeper push as B’Elanna’s mouth opened wider to let her in. She tasted a little like coffee and a little like some sweet fruit. Beverly pulled her closer again, holding her tight and safe, kissing her harder, until at last she had to come up for air, gasping. B’Elanna, panting but not yet breathless, kissed her wrist, her neck, ran her fingers through her hair and lifted it aside to nuzzle the spot behind her ear. Beverly’s own pulse was rushing now, the blood dancing in her veins, her skin growing warmer, a contrast to the cold turbolift wall against her back.

She kissed B’Elanna again, trying to fill the kiss with everything she felt for her - the electricity between them, the way they seemed to fit together so smoothly, the strange, fierce pride she felt watching B’Elanna fight the world tooth and nail. She thought B’Elanna felt it, but her body still felt so tense, her muscles coiled as if she wanted to run from everything.

Beverly opened the top of B’Elanna’s jumpsuit, thanking whoever designed the uniforms for the fact that the latest ones at least fastened at the front. She trailed her fingers across B’Elanna’s collarbone.

‘Is this all right?’ she asked.

‘Keep going…’ B’Elanna murmured, softly, as if it hurt her to talk.

Beverly pulled the jumpsuit down and away so that it sat around B’Elanna’s hips, and kissed down her jaw and throat and sternum, her hands firm against B’Elanna’s bare spine. She pressed her half-open mouth gently across the tops of B’Elanna’s breasts in her plain charcoal replicator default bra. In answer, B’Elanna slipped the straps from her shoulders and wriggled out of the bra, dropping it on the floor. Beverly took one breast gently in each hand, her thumbs sliding in circles, tracing the dark areolae. B’Elanna sighed deeply, leaned down to press her cheek against Beverly’s neck.

Beverly turned them in one swift movement so that B’Elanna was the one with her back against the wall, and B’Elanna sagged, letting the structure partially support her. Beverly wrapped one arm under B’Elanna’s thighs, taking more of her weight so that her toes only just touched the ground. B’Elanna unfastened the collar of Beverly’s jumpsuit and eased it down a few inches, freeing her arms, then let herself fall against Beverly, her head on her bare shoulder, her bare arms tight around her. Beverly’s skin felt cool, the weight of her uniform slipping down to her waist. She smiled at B’Elanna, who closed her eyes and breathed as the fingers of Beverly’s left hand moved slowly on her thigh, where she held her up, and her right hand brushed the spot where her neck and shoulders met.

Beverly nuzzled B’Elanna’s neck until she lifted her head, and they kissed again, less urgent than at first but just as deep, just as breath-stealing. Beverly’s free hand crept downward, pausing to graze B’Elanna’s nipple again, then sliding down her warm side, across her hip bone just above where her shucked-down uniform sat. With the other arm she adjusted her grip, still holding B’Elanna up against the wall, close and secure, but leaving room for her free hand to slide between B’Elanna’s legs and gently part them.

B’Elanna whimpered into Beverly’s mouth as Beverly’s fingers slipped into the space between her uniform and her skin, brushing the top of her charcoal briefs.

‘Is this what you want?’ Beverly asked, knowing that it was.

B’Elanna nodded her head against Beverly’s. Beverly’s fingers worked their way inside B’Elanna’s underwear, finding damp heat.

‘Are you sure?’ she asked.

‘Don’t stop… please,’ B’Elanna said, halfway between a growl and a cry.

Beverly stroked softly for a little while, holding B’Elanna tight as she writhed, covering her gasps with kisses. B’Elanna’s feet didn’t touch the ground any more but she didn’t seem to notice. After a few minutes Beverly slid two, then three fingers inside her, holding them there, curled gently, as her thumb spiralled over B’Elanna’s labia and clit, swollen with need. Beverly’s arm, holding B’Elanna’s weight steady, was beginning to tire, but she ignored it.

It took a little while until B’Elanna’s gasps, hot breaths on Beverly’s shoulder, turned into trembling moans that shook her whole body in Beverly’s sturdy grasp, harder and harder until she clenched around Beverly’s hand, clutching Beverly’s back, Beverly, Beverly, Beverly, and she was whispering it, like a secret, as her lungs began to work again and her eyes opened a fraction and Beverly held her up until she was ready to put her feet on the ground again.

They kissed a few more minutes, short, soft kisses while they both caught their breath. Then they shrugged their uniforms back on and Beverly released the turbolift, sending it to one of the quiet levels so that they could exit discreetly and take refuge in an empty conference room, Beverly using her command codes to lock the door behind them. She sat on the floor, her back to the wall, and B’Elanna sat between her legs, leaning against her, her head back on Beverly’s shoulder.

‘Do you want to talk about it yet?’ Beverly asked.

‘No,’ said B’Elanna, without vehemence. ‘Your arms are very strong.’

Beverly laughed. ‘I decided to expand my dance repertoire a while back and I found a ballet class that focuses on lifts.’

‘I’d like to see you dance sometime,’ B’Elanna said.

‘I’m sure that can be arranged,’ said Beverly.

B’Elanna sighed. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ she said. ‘Part of me thinks if I leave Starfleet now then I’ve wasted everything I spent seven years on Voyager learning - not just about how to run a starship, and a department, but about myself, about who I want to be. Another part of me thinks if I stay, I won’t be strong enough to… to be my best self. I can’t tell if I’m thinking of leaving just because I’m scared, or because Starfleet really isn’t right for me if I can’t be on Voyager.’

‘It must have been remarkable,’ said Beverly. ‘Being part of a community like that.’

‘It was. We were a family, we were everything to each other. I knew every single member of my team, I knew… after a while I knew I could depend on them. And on the captain, and Tom, and Harry and Chakotay, and Neelix, and all the others. I felt safer on Voyager, lost in the Delta Quadrant, than I ever had anywhere else. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we made it back… but I guess part of me is in mourning for the life I built there.’

Beverly nodded. ‘I can understand that. It hit me hard when the crew of the Enterprise started to go their separate ways, and the situation was nothing like as intense. And to have a new baby too, on top of all that… I think you’re coping amazingly well.’

B’Elanna snorted. ‘I’m pretty sure the admiral I just yelled at wouldn’t agree with you.’

‘In my opinion most admirals could do with getting yelled at once in a while. How bad was it? Think they’ll court martial you?’

‘Ha - probably not. But I wouldn’t be surprised to get an official reprimand. I’m a little past caring right now. He definitely deserved it.’

‘That’s fair. If I were you I’d take a break from caring for a little while.’

B’Elanna grinned. ‘I think I just did.’

* * *

B’Elanna took a long weekend off, spent some time with Tom and Miral, and tried to forget everything. They invited Seven for dinner - she’d cooled off a little too. She sat on their couch and played endless peekaboo with Miral while Tom and B’Elanna got dinner ready.

‘Don’t you get bored?’ B’Elanna asked. ‘Even I get bored and I’m her mother.’

Seven frowned at her. ‘This exercise is not as purposeless as it appears. Miral is building her gross motor skills and strengthening her visual tracking.’

‘Auntie Seven has spoken!’ Tom teased.

Seven rolled her eyes at him, and B’Elanna laughed, patting Seven’s shoulder as she came past to lay the table.

‘Will I see you at work on Monday?’ Seven asked, as she left.

‘Yeah… I think so,’ said B’Elanna. ‘You’ll be there?’

‘I will. I intend to hand in my resignation. It’s clear that Starfleet is not the proper environment for me.’

B’Elanna nodded. ‘Good for you, Seven.’

* * *

At Monday lunchtime, B’Elanna met Beverly at their usual bench with a kiss. They ate their lunches, talking about nothing much.

‘I have a meeting with Admiral Sherwood this afternoon,’ B’Elanna said at last, when they got up to part.

‘You’ve made a decision, then?’

‘Yeah… I think I have.’

Beverly nodded. ‘Well… no matter what happens, I’ll be here for you. And I know that whatever you choose, you’ll be incredible.’

She drew B’Elanna close, held her in her arms. B’Elanna took a deep breath, full of the scent of Beverly’s hair, Beverly’s skin, and then pulled away.

‘Wish me luck,’ she said, and walked into her future.


End file.
